Friday, February 1, 2019

Surrounding Myself with Rainbows

Project inspired by @texturizeyoureyes

This was a hard week for me personally. The polar vortex set in both literally and metaphorically - it chilled our environment and the depths of my of my stomach. 

What is a rainbow?  A rainbow is a beauty in the middle, or the end, of a storm.  It is a bright beauty poking through the gray.  A moment of hope, of calm, of wonder, of beauty. 

My personality is very upbeat, happy-go-lucky, and cheerful. I laugh really easily.  On the flip side, my emotions are always close to the surface... and I also cry really easily.  Yarn is my happy place.  When I'm sad, I turn to my creative side as an outlet. 

The ChemKnits personality that you see on camera is very authentic, very Rebecca.  It is also a blanket for me.  A way for me to feel like myself even when I feel like the haze is going to smother me.  Usually hitting the record button on my camera is a way to capture the sunshine I feel.  This week, it was a way for me to catch a glimpse that rainbow. 

I love rainbows everyday, and do not really need an excuse to create them. (I convinced R to let me create a rainbow unicorn cake for his 3rd birthday party last weekend.  He loves rainbows, and unicorns, like his Mama so it was a win win win.) This cake I made was an amazing outlet for me.  This is a project that is far easier to create than it looks, and was a bright and whimsical fun day.

When things suddenly felt impossible and I felt (feel) completely lost, I decided to surround myself with more rainbows as an escape - filming more rainbow-tastic episodes for the channel, and my first attempts at some tapestry weaving.  Arranging random items in rainbow order.  The storm is still going on, the freeze is still there, but I have a breath of hope. 

I am being vague in about my grief because it is not my story to share.  I am very grateful for my large family (family through blood, marriage, and choice) and to have so many years of wonderful memories.  I am trying to channel my grief to fill my heart with love and send some of that out into the universe.